Our lives exist on different levels. I am extremely poor, lonely, with few friends, and not good at building relationships. She believes the world works a certain way—the foot massage industry gives her a decent income, but it comes at a cost. However, what I see as a cost, she does not. To her, it’s not a cost; her time is simply worth that much money. She spends her time accompanying strangers, and that’s how the world operates in her eyes. But she doesn’t realize that outside her industry, many people are willing to endure hardships and loneliness to preserve their purity.
She doesn’t want to live an ordinary life, yet she cannot meet a man who will give unconditionally to her. Oh, unconditional giving—what man can truly give without expecting anything in return? Except for me.
Under the name of love, I sacrificed my money and time just to win her love, but she didn’t appreciate it. She thinks I’m supposed to sacrifice for her.
And this plays right into her plans.
I told her that I wanted to love her, unconditionally. She smiled and said, “Then go ahead.” But she might still abandon me. If she feels even slightly unhappy or encounters a bit of difficulty, she will likely walk away without hesitation.
If so, I’ll feel that my sacrifices were not worth it.
She only enjoys the love but is unwilling to make any sacrifices. I’m willing to let her go—to like other men, to abandon me.
I’ve come to understand why so many men hate women. Women are too greedy, too ignorant of men. With just their appearance, they make men squander ten years of hard work in a single night, without feeling the slightest guilt. A man can endure a lifetime of solitude but cannot lose himself in a woman’s embrace.
What woman truly understands men?
Perhaps all women are the same. They believe their looks are enough to make men willingly work like oxen or ants, only to ultimately betray them.
No big deal—life is just like this.
Now, I’ve come to Ruoshuiting massage parlor. I’m already tired of her massages.
It’s 3:04 AM, Dec 24th 2024. I got off the massage bed, feeling exhausted, and asked her to change her clothes and get off work. She calmly agreed, as if everything was perfectly natural. It’s been going on for so long that she already takes it for granted. She even hopes every day could be like this. For her, it’s a great happiness, but for me? What have I gained from her? For the case of a few days, it is OK, but for the case of several months, who can endure it? She sees it as natural, especially after she declared herself my girlfriend. She might think this is a clever way to profit. Once a woman becomes a man’s girlfriend, the man’s money naturally becomes hers to spend, and the woman doesn’t need to give anything in return.
Her logic is that standing there doing nothing is already a significant give.
But my dissatisfaction has already started to grow. I no longer find any joy in being with her.
Oh, my god! what is happening?
Why is it that once a woman agrees to be a man’s girlfriend, she can naturally demand everything from him?
This mystery truly puzzles me.
Shouldn’t it be like this?
A woman should provide a man with sufficient emotional support, while the man lays a solid financial foundation, enabling the woman to take care of the home, bear children, care for them, and handle household chores, right?
If a woman doesn’t do these things but still expects the man to work hard, support her, and also do household chores, wouldn’t the man be utterly exhausted?
Thinking about this, I feel tired.
How did all of this even happen?
I really don’t understand.
She’s completely unwilling to spend her time with me. Absolutely unwilling.
If I buy her time, she’s willing to stay, but even then, she tries to demand more, claiming it’s as if she’s giving her precious time to me. She’s entirely mistaken.
Other masseurs take time off during Christmas, but she refuses. She thinks I should be willing to buy her time for a day, so she doesn’t need to take leave.
When she does take leave, it’s to go shopping with her girlfriends. If she asks if I’d like to go, I know for sure that I’d have to pay for everything. If I refuse, she’ll come back very late, leaving almost no time for me. But that’s okay—she’s unwilling to spend time with me anyway.
This is the last time I’ll pay for her company. After this, no more. If she says she wants to see me, it’s only because she wants me to buy her time. She’s relaxed, and I get no joy from it. In her eyes, my money seems to come out of thin air.
I told her I’d visit her in parlor tomorrow, but deep down, I know I won’t. Even if I go, I won’t choose her to serve me. I’ll pick another masseur.
She said she’d feel bad if I chose someone else, but I think she’s just using that to manipulate me.
I’m tired of this kind of relationship.
All my past sacrifices—I’ll just see them as an extraordinary life experience. I won’t regret it.
After all, I was the one who approached her in the first place.
If there’s anything wrong here, it’s on me, not her.
Why should I be so infatuated with her?
But now, I think I may no longer feel the same way.
So, I won’t buy her time anymore.
